NCAA Tournament Preview: Bad Poetry Edition

By now, there have been hundreds of previews written about this year’s NCAA Tournament. Most of them try to give the reader some new information or hype up some sleeper upset pick. This preview is different. I will be previewing each region in the form of absolutely awful Shakespearean sonnets (without iambic pentameter, sorry). This should be fun! And painful! I’m sure the Vogons will appreciate this effort.


Kansas is the cream of this group, as you see

But UConn, Mark Turgeon and Cal all loom

The Jayhawks will have to play Austin Peay

Good mid-season form, Iowa hopes to resume

Could the Rainbow Warriors triumph early?

Maybe the Shockers could pull off a run…

Will South Dakota State prove to be surly?

Or will Miami at last get some recognition?

Villanova is the two-seed, but they tend to flop

But could this be the year it all comes together?

‘Zona’s offense will be tough to stop,

Colorado’s draw is tougher than leather

Or will Buffalo, Temple, or UNC Asheville devise,

A miraculous plan that will leave us surprised…


“Oregon is overrated”, so some pundits say,

But they crushed the Pac-12 without breaking a sweat

Holy Cross and Bill Carmody have had some great days,

But on the Crusaders and Southern, no one will bet

It’s Shaka Smart vs. Wes Washpun in OKC

While Shaka’s old squad faces Oregon State

St. Joe’s will hope to knock off Cincinnati

UNC Wilmington plays a team that many will hate

Buddy’s a dangerous two seed, so you’ve heard

He could face the Aggies, or Green Bay, perhaps?

Baylor plays Yale, don’t sleep on the nerds!

There could be two Texas showdowns, barring a mishap

This region is fun and should be wide-open

But good luck trying to pick who will win


There are many good teams in this region of doom,

No. 1 UNC, will play FGCU

But although Calipari has flustered and fumed,

Kentucky’s a 4 and might face Yogi’s crew

That is, if both teams can escape the first round,

Chattanooga and Stony Brook have something to prove

On the other side, maybe Xavier will resound

Weber State is not good, but Wisconsin has moved,

From disappointment to seven seed, thanks to Nigel Hayes

SF Austin and West Virginia play super-fast,

Michigan should end all the Tulsa malaise,

Pittsburgh is average, I’m not sure they will last

USC plays Providence in the eight versus nine

Ben Bentil’s a monster, but points are a grind…


Virginia and Michigan State, it’s set in stone!

Not so fast, there’s still a few roadblocks,

Utah and Purdue are two tall unknowns,

And I kinda like Arkansas Little-Rock

Hampton, sixteen, will play UVA, one

Texas Tech/Butler will be a fun contest

It’s been a while since ‘Cuse last won,

But Boeheim is in, though it’s caused some unrest

Isaiah Whitehead and Seton Hall are mighty exciting

Iona could challenge Iowa State if the Gaels play their best,

But Wiltjer’s Bulldogs can also be biting,

Fresno State somehow won the Mountain West

But seriously, there’s one way I think this region will end

Either Brogdon or Valentine, who will the Midwest send?


Wow, that was hard to write.

Don’t forget to check out the RTFM scoring system!






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