Warning, these limericks may contain objectionable language directed at a certain ex-Philly.
1. Eric Campbell Finds a Way
Eric Campbell always finds a way
To be in the lineup, on certain days
“Soup’s on” all the time!
As his hitting declines.
Eric Campbell, a player, hooray…
2. Michael Conforto
I’m so excited for Michael Conforto
He has all the tools and will play next to Yo
Said Collins, “don’t worry,
I’ll platoon in a hurry
If he can’t hit lefties for shit though.”
3. Infield Depth, But Still No Defense
I think the Mets might have infield depth
Walker, Flores, Cabrera, they’ve taken some steps
To ensure that ground balls
Will slip through or fall
But they can all hit so I’ll take the rest.
4. Noah Syndergaard
Sometimes, when I’m feeling down in the dumps
I think about Game 1, and taking my lumps
But then I remember
Thor can dismember
Any batter or lineup, he trumps
5. Fuck Chase Utley
Fuck Chase Utley, for now and forever.
His play was so bad they made a rule against him.
And since he seemingly broke the nebulous “baseball code”when trying to intentionally injure Ruben Tejada in a play that still boggles my mind,
I’m going to break the form of a limerick.
Because I can. Even if it just ain’t right.
So fuck Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins and the Phillies.
But what they did was actually kind of impressive considering Ruben Amaro Jr. thinks that sabermetrics=witchcraft,
And they did beat the Yankees once so good on you there. It’s sad to see another franchise that torpedoed itself through long-term deals to scumbags like Chase Utley, even if it is the Phillies.
So fuck that guy.